The Problem with Generic Dating Advice
Have you ever wondered why the dating advice you got never worked for you? Self-certified dating experts tell you to love yourself more, or go out more to catch the attention of a potential partner.
But no matter how much you try or however many podcasts you listen to, it just seems to be a never-ending cycle of wanting someone to “pick” you.
Media plays a huge role in this, but let’s start off by saying that the dating advice you’re getting from your favorite podcast or YouTube channel, wasn’t made for YOU.
What do I mean by that?
The majority of the dating advice online doesn’t consider the special circumstances of being a Woman of Color. Most advice omits us all together. From the way we are percieved at first glance from our style to how our femininity is interpreted.
I remember being on dating apps before, trying to adhere to these standards. The moment I did the big chop and changed my profile picture I noticed the swipes coming in less and less. That’s when I realized that I shouldn’t fall for these standards and neither should you.
The most common example of dating standards not being made for us is when a Black woman is told to “be soft.” Think about it, when you scroll through your social media timelines, the advice ranges from telling women to be more feminine or, “do xyz” for their man. However, this language is exclusive and doesn’t consider how authentic women show up in the world.
They claim that if Black women tap into their femininity, then maybe they can be attractive to a potential partner. But this notion excludes so many people. These attributes are in many cases associated with women who are quiet, passive, or dress in a particular way. They exclude a whole division of women who are indeed willing and worthy of love.
Ask yourself, what does a soft woman look like? What does she wear? How does she handle herself?
This Dating Advice Is Affecting Your Self-Esteem
The dating advice that excludes Black women is detrimental to us if we try to follow it. It can leave you on a wheel trying to hit a standard you were never intended to hit. This can affect your self-esteem and cause you to show up in ways that aren’t authentic to who you are. You’ll try to be someone you aren’t in order to fit in. Instead of learning to love and appreciate yourself exactly as you are.
Generic dating advice is also centered around the male gaze. Patriarchy has made the world assume that everything a woman does is so men can be happy. This same concept applies to the dating area. Women are expected to be chasing after men whether they want a heterosexual relationship or not. You are expected to heal so you can prepare yourself for your next relationship instead of focusing on becoming the best version of yourself for YOU.
Maybe you’re getting out of a relationship or you’ve been single for a while.
Her Soul Supply teaches you how to unsubscribe to this toxic rhetoric and choose you!
If you want a more personalized coaching experience to get you through your single era, consider joining me on a virtual intensive coaching call where you can come away with a roadmap specific to your situation that helps you get out of that rut.