How to deal with loneliness after a breakup
Feeling lonely after a breakup is common and difficult to navigate because it can throw you out of your routine. You once went from spending every moment with a person to no longer being in their presence or hearing their voice on the phone.
While factors like the length of a relationship or how close you were with your partner play a role, it is expected to feel some type of disturbance in your emotions, and in fact, it is more common than you may think.
In 2023, Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Murthy. M.D. called loneliness a public health crisis. According to the American Psychological Association, about 30% of people say they have experienced feelings of loneliness, with younger adults ages 18-35 years old experiencing it the most.
As a Women’s Empowerment Coach, loneliness is one of the major factors I see in my line of work. It can prevent people from moving forward from a relationship that no longer works or staying in friendships that aren’t reciprocal.
What Is Loneliness?
Loneliness is the feeling of being alone, isolated from people or lacking a deep connection with others. It can have a severe impact on a person’s mental, emotional and physical health, potentially leading to harmful habits like causal sex, isolation, depression or poor-decision making.
Feeling lonely is a state of mind and is different from being alone. Someone can be alone and not feel lonely and vice versa. People can be surrounded by a group of people or have multiple relationships in their lives and experience feelings of loneliness.
This is why you could have been experiencing loneliness while you were in a relationship. It is often not a measure of how many people you have around but by internal factors.
Often, when people think of a resolution for loneliness, their first resort is to surround themselves with people. However, while this is an option, it may not always be the only option that can aid you.
What is Self-Soothing?
Sometimes, the magnitude of your loneliness is directly correlated to your ability to self-soothe.
Self-soothing is an emotional regulation tool used during high-stress situations. It’s the process of creating behaviors, habits and systems that allow you to calm your body down when in distress.
Whether experiencing feelings of anger, distress, or loneliness, self-soothing can help you find ways to regulate your body when it's on high alert without the dependence of people.
Think about it: if you constantly search for people to fill you up when feeling lonely, it is possible that you can become dependent on their presence. This can lead to difficult times when they are unavailable.
Self-soothing activities can vary by person, however, they intend not to cause mental, emotional or physical harm. In fact, self-soothing activities depend on your likes and what helps you navigate difficult times. The goal of the self-soothing process is to take you out of the harmful situation and place your body in a state of calmness.
When experiencing loneliness, self-soothing activities help you combat negative thoughts and feelings by nourishing your body with what it needs. While being amongst people can be a great tool for battling loneliness, you may need to look inward first and learn tools and tricks to care for yourself during a difficult time.
10 Self-Soothing Activities To Battle Loneliness
Reading a book that brings you joy
Taking a walk in a new neighborhood.
Visiting your favorite coffee shop
Journaling your thoughts and emotions
Using positive affirmations to combat negative thoughts
Try breathing exercises
Listen to soothing music instrumentals
Learn a new instruments
Clean your space and redecorate
Engage with your body and practice physical touch
As a breakup coach, I tell clientele that being lonely is a valid feeling. But it doesn’t offer us a license to eliminate our own boundaries. And, after a breakup it is very common, but there are ways to navigate it healthily.
While negative and destructive behaviors can often lead you to hook up with the wrong people, it is not the only option. There is a path outside of the loneliness you feel because of your breakup.
If you’re tired of feeling stuck in cycles of negative behaviors as a result of being lonely, meet me for Reset & Rebuild, my 2-hour one on one virtual intensive where we go deep on your patterns and create a plan that helps you break the cycle.
You don’t have to go at it alone.
